


Fanboy and Chum Chum Future (and Steven)

by Calicornia



Category: Fanboy & Chum Chum (Cartoon), Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Mature for HEAVY EMOTIONAL THEMES :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:00:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23252104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia
Summary: Woooooooaaaaah here we go cuz we're in the future!Steven's here to help us in the future!
Kudos: 11





	Fanboy and Chum Chum Future (and Steven)

Steven looked at his coordinates, Galaxy Hills, the only place where nobody has ever been helped. He sighed, only he could help these poor souls escape their abusive abruisers. He looked around, seeing people who looked more like corrupted gems than humans.

He wondered if that's what they truly were, the human equivalent of corrupted. He'd need a lot of tears for this one, and fast.

"Heeeeeeey there!" A voice called out, Steven looked around for the source, but nothing was to north, east, south or west of him.

"Look up here silly!"

Steven followed suit, seeing two bug eyed boys around the same age as him. 

"AH!" Steven screamed and jolted backwards, falling on his ass and breaking his pelvis. "H-hey! I didn't know Galaxy Hills had people with powers..."

"Oh boy, are you in for a treat!" The taller boy laughed, his body covered by an ill fitting superhero costume. "My name is Justin Fanboy and this is Chum Chum!"

"Hi." Chum Chum smiled, his face genuine.

Deep down, Steven could tell something was wrong. Two teenagers dressed up as superheros in public being mentally stable and just having fun? They must be repressing something.

"Do you guys need any help?" Steven brushed himself off and stood up, breaking four more bones in the process.

"Help? We're superheroes silly!" Chum Chum laughed, "We are the ones who help people!"

"That's right Chum Chum!" An alarm sounded in Fanboy's pocket. "And that conveniently set alarm is an alert to help our most special friend!"

"Most special friend?" Steven asked sheepishly.

* * *

"Kyle's house Kyle's house!" The two superhero costume wearers picked away at the door with axes.

"STOOOOPPPP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Steven screamed, "That's breaking and entering!" 

The superheroes stopped their assault.

"Um. Actually this is how we knock on the door." Fanboy rolled his eyes, "Otherwise Kyle doesn't wake up."

Steven's face curled in concern.

"D-doesn't wake up?"

The door flung open, a clearly intoxicated teenager stood in the door frame. He smelled of dentistry, with a dash of orthodontist.

"Oooh. Fanboy and Chum Chum!" Kyle said in the most British way possible, "My two favourite pals."

"Awww, you're our two favorite pals too Kyle." Fanboy smiled and hugged his friend, only to jolt back and stare at the wizard's mouth.

"AHHHHHH CHUM CHUM!" Fanboy pushed Kyle out of the way, "CHUM CHUM, THIS ISN'T KYLE!"

Chum Chum got a closer look, and screamed too.

"YOU'RE RIGHT, HE HAS NO BRACES!!!!!!!"

Kyle sat up, pissed off as ever, and pulled out the most British phrase he could muster.

"Braces aren't PERMANENT additions to the mouth you bloody fucking wankers!"

Everyone just stared for a bit.

"But... How do we know you're not secretly a face eating alien..." Fanboy leaned in closely, a little too closely.

"STOOOOOP!" Steven screamed with all his might, grabbed Fanboy and punted him into a wall. "YOU'RE ACCUSING YOUR FRIEND OF BEING A FACE EATING ALIEN JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE BRACES ANYMORE."

Fanboy retracted from the wall, unscathed. He walked right over to the pink glowing boy who had just committed harassment.

"How do YOU know he's not?"

Steven's eyes went wide with rage. 

"Look, if there's no one for me to help here, I'll just go fuck myself!" Steven started to walk away, breaking his feet more and more with every step.

"I could use some help." Kyle raised his arm, too drugged up from the orthodontist to move.

* * *

"So, where did it all start?" Steven asked, finally happy to help someone.

"Well..." Kyle said, lying on his couch with his hands clasped together. "It all started when I was expelled from Milkweed Academy after I was convicted of cannibalizing one of my teachers for participating in the wretched bullying that Sigmund the Sorcerer has cursed me with."

"That sounds terrible." Steven said. He ignored the ruckus of Fanboy and Chum Chum playing with Kyle's spells in the background. 

"Oh, I'm not even to the WORST part." Kyle hand waved his trauma away, "Once I was forced to move in with my father, a cuckold who has no idea that my mum has a new low ranking wizard over every night. My life became hell. The first thing that happened to me when I attended that dreaded middle school, was racism from Fanboy and Chum Chum."

"Racism?" Steven asked. "But all of you are the same race."

Kyle rolled his bug-like eyes, and pointed his finger at Steven.

"I am a WIZARD! I'm not even the same SPECIES as you CRETINS!" He calmed himself down once more. "They mocked my wizard culture, got me stranded in the desert, made a fool out of me infront of Sigmund the Sorcerer, forced me to ride in the mouth of a dinosaur, defecated in my face, defiled my crystal ball, broke into my house on multiple occasions, ate the headmaster of Milkweed, made me into a henchman, turned me into a chicken, turned me into a baby, turned me into a pickle, made me eat garbage for weeks, bullied me for 6 years..." 

Kyle began to tear up.

"And lied about wanting to be my friend the whole time."

Steven glared at Fanboy and Chum Chum. Crossing his legs arms and hissing at them. He broke three bones as a result of this.

"Do you have anything to say for yourselves?" He sternly questioned, fury in his Steven-like eyes.

Fanboy smiled, and then Chum Chum smiled.

"Braaaaaain freeeeeeeezeeeee."

"NO NO NO NO NO!" Steven turned peak, breaking all the glass in the house and once again his bones, "Can't you see how you mentally destroyed this young man!? His bones are so broken that they're poooooooowder!"

Steven pulled up an x-ray monitor, showing that Kyle was indeed mostly boneless.

"Oh that!" Kyle laughed, "This is something we wizards do to get a good high, fully reversible." He pulled out his wand.

"If you give me five dollars, you can try it."

Steven was appalled.

"So you just gloss over your bones breaking? You don't care about your beautiful bones?" He began to cry too, "Do you even drink milk?"

Fanboy shimmied his way onscreen.

"Of course we do!" Fanboy wrapped his arm around Steven, "We get trained by Boog to be okay with our bones breaking!"

Steven's face went cold, and Kyle passed out from the bone powder high.

"Take me to this "Boog"."

* * *

"Haha! Bop bop Chimp Chomp!" Boog smiled, slacking off from work like always and letting Lenny take the brunt of dumbass customers.

"You know, one of these days I'm going to quit this job and abandon you." Lenny stared blankly into the shelves, "And you'll never see me again, Boog."

"Nah." Boog didn't move his eyes from Chimp Chomp, "You're 26 and workin at a slushie mart, you ain't ever gonna leave here."

Lenny sighed.

And then HE came in.

Steven and his Universe.

"Oh wow, a new customer." Lenny rolled his eyes, "I wonder how THIS one is going to piss me off."

"Haha, wow, a new head to bop." Boog began his special bop stretch.

Steven glared at the mid twenties failure.

"Your bopping days are over, manipulative gaslighting lovebombing abuser!"

"Do you even know what those words mean?" Lenny raised an eyebrow.

"Nah, he's a dumb dumb." Boog cracked his fingers, "I'll give him a light bop, just to knock his brain back into place."

Boog charged at Steven, and Steven pulled out his psychology 101 book.

*bop*

Steven was tapped very lightly on the head, but that didn't stop all 206 of his bones from turning into dust.


End file.
